{"id":4685,"date":"2024-11-19T22:37:26","date_gmt":"2024-11-19T22:37:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.okanbal.com\/?p=4685"},"modified":"2024-12-29T13:07:15","modified_gmt":"2024-12-29T13:07:15","slug":"erken-donemde-ailede-babanin-rolu","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/4685\/erken-donemde-ailede-babanin-rolu\/","title":{"rendered":"Erken D\u00f6nemde Ailede Baban\u0131n Rol\u00fc"},"content":{"rendered":"

Baba Olmak \u00dczerine: Erken D\u00f6nem Baba-\u00c7ocuk \u0130li\u015fkisinde Ailede Baban\u0131n Rol\u00fc<\/strong><\/p>\n

Bir baba ne zaman baba oldu\u011funu hisseder? \u00c7o\u011fu babadan kendilerini bir baba olarak hissetmelerinin en az\u0131ndan birka\u00e7 ay s\u00fcrd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc duyuyorum. S\u00fcrecin ba\u015f\u0131 \u015f\u00f6yle: Anne, hamilelik s\u00fcrecinde karn\u0131ndaki bebekle bir b\u00fct\u00fcn, baba ise d\u0131\u015f d\u00fcnyan\u0131n bir par\u00e7as\u0131; baba aday\u0131 olmaktan \u00e7ok annenin koruyucusu ve psikolojik olarak destek\u00e7isi konumunda. Peki bebek do\u011fduktan sonra ve babalar baba olduklar\u0131n\u0131 anlad\u0131ktan sonra s\u00fcre\u00e7 nas\u0131l ilerliyor? Bu sorulara yan\u0131t arayan\u00a0bu yaz\u0131da, erken d\u00f6nemde baban\u0131n fiziksel ve psikolojik varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6nemine ve baban\u0131n bu s\u00fcre\u00e7teki rollerine de\u011finece\u011fim.<\/p>\n

1. Baban\u0131n Fiziksel Varl\u0131\u011f\u0131:<\/strong> Baban\u0131n fiziksel varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, eve ekmek getiren, aileyi koruyan, \u00e7ocu\u011fun bak\u0131m\u0131na kat\u0131lan (uyutmak, alt\u0131n\u0131 temizlemek, yemek yedirmek gibi) olma \u00fczerinden tan\u0131mlayabiliriz. Baban\u0131n fiziksel varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 a\u015fa\u011f\u0131daki \u00fc\u00e7 rol \u00fczerinden daha detayl\u0131 olarak a\u00e7\u0131klamak istiyorum:<\/p>\n

1a. Bebek i\u00e7in gerekli ve yeterli fiziksel ko\u015fullar\u0131 sa\u011flamak:<\/strong> Baba ekonomik g\u00fcc\u00fcyle -bebe\u011fi d\u0131\u015f tehlikelerden koruyacak- g\u00fcvenli bir ev ortam\u0131, yiyecek, k\u0131yafet ve bez gibi bebe\u011fin fiziksel ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131n temin edilmesinden sorumlu olur. Zira o s\u0131rada anne kendini, bebe\u011fin bu ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 doyurma me\u015fguliyeti i\u00e7inde bulur. Ve annenin yorgun bedeni ve ruhu bunlar\u0131 tek ba\u015f\u0131na yapmas\u0131na izin vermez. Bebek ise fiziksel ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131layacak yeterli kapasiteye sahip olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in, ebeveynleriyle ba\u011f\u0131ml\u0131 bir ili\u015fki i\u00e7ine girer.<\/p>\n

Baban\u0131n fiziksel ko\u015fullar\u0131 sa\u011flama rol\u00fc, annenin iyi olma halini de en az bebe\u011finki kadar olumlu etkiler. Bu etki, \u00f6ncelikle annenin bak\u0131m\u0131n\u0131n niceli\u011fini ve niteli\u011fini artt\u0131r\u0131r. Ayr\u0131ca, \u00e7ift ili\u015fkisinin devam etmesi, annenin cinsel ve narsistik doyum ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 (be\u011fenilme, \u00f6nemsenme gibi) doyurmas\u0131na yard\u0131m eder.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

1b. Anne-bebek ikilisinin i\u00e7 i\u00e7e ge\u00e7me halini \u00f6nlemek: <\/strong>Baba, anne-bebek simbiyozu<\/strong>na bir \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc olarak girer; anne ve bebe\u011fin fiziksel ve psikolojik ba\u011flamda\u00a0sa\u011fl\u0131kl\u0131 bir ayr\u0131\u015fma ya\u015famalar\u0131n\u0131 kolayla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131r. Baban\u0131n bu simbiyoz i\u00e7indeki varl\u0131\u011f\u0131, hem bebe\u011fin hem annenin kendi psi\u015fik alanlar\u0131n\u0131 yaratmalar\u0131n\u0131 ve bebekte i\u00e7 temsillerin olu\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131 destekler. Ayr\u0131ca bebe\u011fe memeden (meme, bebe\u011fin ilk nesnesi olarak tan\u0131mlan\u0131r) ayr\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, tutanacak yeni ve taze bir nesne imkan\u0131 sunar.\u00a0Winnicott<\/strong>, bu durumu \u015f\u00f6yle \u00f6zetler:<\/p>\n

\u201cBaba bebek i\u00e7in ikinci anne olabilir veya olmayabilir, fakat \u00f6yle bir\u00a0an gelir ki baba bebek i\u00e7in farkl\u0131 bir rolde oldu\u011funu hisseder. O andan itibaren, baba, kendi b\u00fct\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc olu\u015fturmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan bebek taraf\u0131ndan bir k\u0131lavuz olarak kullan\u0131lmaya ba\u015flar. Bu y\u00fczden, baban\u0131n kullan\u0131lmaya ba\u015flanmas\u0131n\u0131, \u00e7ocu\u011fun kendili\u011fini birle\u015ftirme\u00a0ve entegre olma s\u00fcrecindeki ilk belirti olarak g\u00f6rebiliriz<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

1c. Farkl\u0131 var olu\u015f bi\u00e7imlerinin \u00f6\u011freticisi olmak:<\/strong> Refhan Balkan baban\u0131n farkl\u0131 var olu\u015f bi\u00e7imlerini \u00f6\u011fretme rol\u00fcn\u00fc \u015f\u00f6yle tan\u0131ml\u0131yor: \u201cBaban\u0131n hikayelerinde bir s\u00fcr\u00fc hareket ve macera vard\u0131r. Bu hikayelerde, yaralanabilirsiniz ve hayal k\u0131r\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131na u\u011frayabilirsiniz. Yine de bu \u015fekilde, sahip oldu\u011funuz \u015feylerle kendinizi onarmay\u0131 ve tatmin olmay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frenirsiniz. Bu hikayelerin sonunda, g\u00f6kten elma d\u00fc\u015fmez, elma a\u011fac\u0131n\u0131 yeti\u015ftirmeniz ve elmalar\u0131 kendiniz toplaman\u0131z gerekir<\/em>\u201d.<\/p>\n

Baba, hem fiziksel g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc\u015f a\u00e7\u0131s\u0131ndan hem de durumlar\u0131 alg\u0131lay\u0131\u015f \u015fekli ve verdi\u011fi tepkiler a\u00e7\u0131s\u0131ndan anneden farkl\u0131d\u0131r. \u00d6rne\u011fin, baba, anneden daha kesin g\u00f6zlere, daha sert tutu\u015fa ve daha kal\u0131n sese sahiptir. Bu farkl\u0131l\u0131klara ra\u011fmen, \u00e7ocuk annesinde buldu\u011fu sevecen, g\u00fcvenli ve s\u0131cak ilgiyi babas\u0131yla olan ili\u015fkisinde de deneyimler. Buna ek olarak, baban\u0131n \u00e7ocukla kurdu\u011fu etkile\u015fim \u015fekli de farkl\u0131l\u0131k g\u00f6sterir; baba s\u00f6zel bir ili\u015fkiden ziyade harekete dayal\u0131 bir ili\u015fki kurma e\u011filimi i\u00e7inde olur. \u00c7ocu\u011fuyla ke\u015ffe \u00e7\u0131kmay\u0131, at\u00e7\u0131l\u0131k oynamay\u0131, onu havaya atmay\u0131 tercih eder. Bu deneyimler s\u0131ras\u0131nda \u00e7ocuklar biraz korksalar da heyecanl\u0131 ve haz verici farkl\u0131 bir deneyim ya\u015fama f\u0131rsat\u0131 bulurlar.<\/p>\n

2. Baban\u0131n Psikolojik Varl\u0131\u011f\u0131:<\/strong> Baban\u0131n psikolojik varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, baban\u0131n bebe\u011fini zihninde ta\u015f\u0131ma kapasitesi (beraber de\u011filken de onu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek gibi), bebe\u011fin fiziksel ve duygusal ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 anlamas\u0131 ve bu ihtiya\u00e7lara uygun afektif ve ili\u015fkisel yan\u0131t\u0131 vermesi \u00fczerinden tan\u0131mlayabiliriz. Baban\u0131n psikolojik varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 da baban\u0131n \u00fc\u00e7 temel rol\u00fc \u00fczerinden detayland\u0131raca\u011f\u0131m:<\/p>\n

2a. Yeni bir kapsay\u0131c\u0131 nesne olmak: <\/strong>Bebe\u011fin babayla olan ili\u015fkisi, niteliksel olarak anneyle olan ili\u015fkiden farkl\u0131d\u0131r, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc baba bebekle bedensel bir ortakl\u0131k deneyimlememi\u015f olmayand\u0131r. Bebe\u011fin babay\u0131 ayr\u0131 bir nesne olarak tan\u0131mas\u0131 zaman al\u0131r; bu s\u00fcre\u00e7 bebe\u011fin babaya temel g\u00fcven duygusu geli\u015ftirmesi, babay\u0131 duyusal ve alg\u0131sal olarak fark etmesini gerektiren bir s\u00fcre\u00e7tir. Bebek ilk aylarda babay\u0131 bir yabanc\u0131 olarak alg\u0131layabilir veya anne ve babas\u0131n\u0131 ayr\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmakta zorlanabilir. Zamanla baban\u0131n bebe\u011fe olan kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131ks\u0131z sevgisi ve anne-bebek ikilisini psikolojik olarak kapsamas\u0131, babay\u0131 bebek i\u00e7in yeni bir kapsay\u0131c\u0131 nesne yapar.<\/p>\n

Buna ek olarak, baba 3. aydan itibaren psikolojik varl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla da anne-bebek simbiyozunu d\u0131\u015far\u0131dan y\u00f6neten yeni bir nesne olur. Baban\u0131n ili\u015fkiye kat\u0131l\u0131m\u0131<\/strong>, anne ve bebe\u011fin ikili delilik halinin i\u00e7erdi\u011fi yo\u011fun duygular i\u00e7in bir bo\u015falt\u0131m alan\u0131 sa\u011flar. Bu yo\u011fun duygular kimi zaman yap\u0131\u015fma iste\u011fi, kimi zaman da y\u0131k\u0131c\u0131l\u0131k bar\u0131nd\u0131r\u0131r. Baba yeni bir nesne olma fonksiyonuyla, anne ve bebe\u011fi psikolojik olarak hem birbirinden ay\u0131r\u0131r hem de birle\u015ftirir. Bu \u015fekilde, istekleri yerine getirilmeyen bebek i\u00e7in ebeveynleri tamamen k\u00f6t\u00fc nesnelere d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fmezler, ebeveynlerine kar\u015f\u0131 duydu\u011fu olumsuz duygular\u0131n onlar\u0131 yok etmedi\u011fi anlar. B\u00f6ylece, ebeveynler -\u00f6zellikle anne- bebe\u011fin i\u00e7 d\u00fcnyas\u0131nda daha ger\u00e7ek\u00e7i ve i\u015flevsel bir yerde durmaya devam ederler.<\/p>\n

2b. D\u0131\u015f d\u00fcnyan\u0131n temsilcisi olmak:<\/strong> \u201cAnne bebe\u011fini kucaklar ve bebe\u011fine \u015f\u00f6yle f\u0131s\u0131ldar: Seni rahatlataca\u011f\u0131m. Baba ise bebe\u011fi da\u011f\u0131n tepesine \u00e7\u0131kart\u0131r ve \u015f\u00f6yle ba\u011f\u0131r\u0131r: Buray\u0131 d\u00fcnya ve seni d\u00fcnyayla tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131raca\u011f\u0131m<\/em>.\u201d Bu K\u0131z\u0131lderili s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fcn baban\u0131n d\u0131\u015f d\u00fcnyan\u0131n temsilcisi olma rol\u00fcn\u00fc birebir kar\u015f\u0131lad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorum. Baba, bebe\u011fin tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 ilk \u00f6tekidir. Bebek, babas\u0131 sayesinde anneyle bir oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc d\u00fcnyada \u00f6tekilerinin de var oldu\u011funu g\u00f6r\u00fcr. Zamanla, baba, anne-bebek ikilisinin g\u00f6z\u00fcnde geleneksel rolleri, i\u015f hayat\u0131 ve sosyal ili\u015fkileriyle d\u0131\u015f d\u00fcnyan\u0131n temsilcisi haline gelir. Bebek babas\u0131n\u0131 i\u015fe giderken g\u00f6r\u00fcr ve kap\u0131n\u0131n ard\u0131nda nas\u0131l bir d\u00fcnya oldu\u011funu merak etmeye ba\u015flar. Ak\u015fam oldu\u011funda babas\u0131 geri d\u00f6ner ve bebek babas\u0131na kavu\u015fur. Bu sayede, ayr\u0131\u015fman\u0131n ve k\u0131sa s\u00fcreli ayr\u0131l\u0131klar\u0131n \u00f6nemli ki\u015filerle olan ili\u015fkileri sona erdirmedi\u011fini\u00a0g\u00fcvenli bir ortamda deneyimlemi\u015f olur.<\/p>\n

Ayr\u0131ca, baba kural koyucu, otorite fig\u00fcr\u00fc, ahlak ve toplum kurallar\u0131n\u0131n uygulay\u0131c\u0131s\u0131, ge\u00e7mi\u015fe dair -\u00f6zellikle aile tarih\u00e7esindeki- bilgilerin ta\u015f\u0131y\u0131c\u0131s\u0131 ve aktar\u0131c\u0131s\u0131 rolleriyle, anne-bebe\u011fin bir oldu\u011fu ili\u015fkiyi sosyok\u00fclt\u00fcrel i\u00e7erikle tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131r\u0131r. Bu \u015fekilde, bebek dil, k\u00fclt\u00fcr ve sosyal ger\u00e7eklikle olan ba\u011f\u0131n\u0131 kurmaya ba\u015flar, ve daha zengin ve ula\u015f\u0131labilir bir ruhsall\u0131\u011fa ad\u0131m atar.<\/p>\n

2c. Bebe\u011fin kendilik nesnesi olmak:<\/strong> Ki\u015filik geli\u015fiminde \u00f6nemli bir fakt\u00f6r olan kendilik nesnesi, bebek\/\u00e7ocuk i\u00e7in narsistik par\u00e7alar\u0131n\u0131 y\u00fckleyebildi\u011fi ve d\u0131\u015far\u0131dan kontrol edebildi\u011fi bir nesnedir. Bebek kendili\u011fini olu\u015ftururken, kimi kendilik par\u00e7alar\u0131n\u0131 anne ve babas\u0131na atar ve bu par\u00e7alar\u0131 d\u0131\u015far\u0131dan kontrol etmeyi \u00f6\u011frenmeye ba\u015flar (Anne ve babas\u0131na y\u00fckledi\u011fi kendilik par\u00e7alar\u0131 \u00e7ocu\u011fun cinsiyetine ba\u011fl\u0131 olarak de\u011fi\u015fir). Daha sonra bu kendilik par\u00e7alar\u0131n\u0131 sahiplenir, birle\u015ftirir ve sabit bir kendilik olu\u015fturur. \u00a0Bu s\u00fcre\u00e7 boyunca baba bebe\u011fin aynalanmak, y\u00fcceltilmek ve kontrol edilmek isteyen par\u00e7alar\u0131n\u0131 atabilece\u011fi ve i\u015flenmi\u015f halini geri alabilece\u011fi bir nesne olur. \u00d6rne\u011fin, bebek canl\u0131, \u00f6zel ve de\u011ferli oldu\u011funu aynalan\u0131larak kabul edebilir, Winnicott\u2019\u0131n dedi\u011fi gibi bebek ancak g\u00f6r\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde var oldu\u011funu anlar. Ya da erkek bebek mask\u00fclen par\u00e7alar\u0131n\u0131n, k\u0131z bebek ise feminen par\u00e7alar\u0131n\u0131n baba taraf\u0131ndan da g\u00f6r\u00fclmesine ve bu par\u00e7alar\u0131n\u0131n y\u00fcceltilmesine ihtiya\u00e7 duyar. Yine baban\u0131n psikolojik varl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, bebek ba\u015fkalar\u0131na benzeme ve \u00f6tekilere uyum sa\u011flama ihtiyac\u0131n\u0131 daha kolay esnetebilir. \u00d6zetle, baba fiziksel ve psikolojik varl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla bebe\u011fin sa\u011fl\u0131kl\u0131 bir kendilik olu\u015fturmas\u0131na, bebe\u011fin \u00f6zg\u00fcveni sa\u011flam bir birey olmas\u0131na b\u00fcy\u00fck katk\u0131 sa\u011flar.<\/p>\n

T\u00fcm anlatt\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131n olabilmesi i\u00e7in baban\u0131n fiziksel ve psikolojik olarak bebekle ili\u015fki kurmas\u0131 kadar, annenin de bu ili\u015fkiye izin vermesi ve babay\u0131 cesaretlenmesi son derece \u00f6nemlidir. Anneler, \u201cErkekler, bebek bakmaktan anlamaz.\u201d<\/strong> demeyin, babalara bir \u015fans verin, hatta o \u015fans\u0131 yarat\u0131n.<\/p>\n

Uzm. Klinik Psk. Cansu Torun<\/p>\n

Kaynak<\/p>\n

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Trowell, J., & Etchegoyen, A. (2002). The Importance of Fathers: A Psychoanalytic Re-evaluation<\/em>. Brunner-Routledge.<\/p>\n

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Winnicott, D. W. (1990).\u00a0Human nature<\/em>. Taylor & Francis.<\/p>\n

Winnicott, D.W. (1945). What about father? In: 1945a (1621), 1957a (8186), 1964a (113-118).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Baba Olmak \u00dczerine: Erken D\u00f6nem Baba-\u00c7ocuk \u0130li\u015fkisinde Ailede Baban\u0131n Rol\u00fc Bir baba ne zaman baba oldu\u011funu hisseder? \u00c7o\u011fu babadan kendilerini...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4686,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,10,145],"tags":[1138,1139,1140,1141,1142,1143,1144,1145,1146,1147,1148,1149],"class_list":["post-4685","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-aile-danismanligi","category-pedagog","category-psikoloji","tag-anne-baba-olmak","tag-anne-baba-olarak-nasil-davranmaliyiz","tag-anne-bebek-ikilisi","tag-anne-bebek-simbiyozu","tag-anne-cocuk-iliskisi","tag-baba-olmak-uzerine","tag-babalik-rolleri","tag-babanin-fiziksel-varligi","tag-babanin-psikolojik-varligi","tag-kapsayici-nesne","tag-kendilik-nenesi","tag-winnicott"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4685","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4685"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4685\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8316,"href":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4685\/revisions\/8316"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/wp-json\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4685"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4685"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4685"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}