Maalesef evlenmeyi bilmedi\u011fimiz i\u00e7in e\u015flerimizi evlendikten sonra tan\u0131yoruz. Bu nedenle evlilik i\u00e7inde kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131kl\u0131 tahamm\u00fcls\u00fczl\u00fcklerimiz \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fclmesi zor problemlerin olu\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131 kendili\u011finden getiriyor.<\/p>\n
Kad\u0131nlar\u0131n e\u015flerinde<\/strong> tahamm\u00fcl edemedi\u011fi y\u00f6nler ;<\/strong><\/p>\n – Dinlenilmedi\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek: Kad\u0131n konu\u015furken e\u015finin ba\u015fka tarafa (televizyon vb) bakmas\u0131<\/p>\n – Konu\u015furken s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fcn kesilmesi ve konudan sapacak su\u00e7lamalarla cevap verilmesi: \u00d6rne\u011fin konu eve s\u00fcrekli ge\u00e7 gelmek ise erke\u011fin \u2018kad\u0131n olsayd\u0131nda gelseydim vb\u2019<\/p>\n su\u00e7lay\u0131c\u0131 cevab\u0131<\/p>\n – Kad\u0131ndan hizmeti emir i\u00e7eren kelimelerle talep etmesi: \u00f6rne\u011fin \u2018\u00e7ay koy\u2019 vb<\/p>\n – \u0130lgi g\u00f6rememek: E\u015fi eve geldi\u011finde kad\u0131nla sohbet etmemesi, motive edici c\u00fcmleler kurmamas\u0131 ve buna gerek\u00e7e olarakta \u2018biz art\u0131k evliyiz. Ne gerek var?\u2019 yakla\u015f\u0131m\u0131n\u0131 sergilemesi<\/p>\n – \u00c7oraplar\u0131n\u0131, kirli giysilerini her tarafta \u00e7\u0131karmas\u0131, b\u0131rakmas\u0131, da\u011f\u0131n\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131<\/p>\n – Kendine dan\u0131\u015fmadan emrivaki olarak misafir davet etmesi<\/p>\n – Yaln\u0131z olmad\u0131klar\u0131 her t\u00fcrl\u00fc ortamda ele\u015ftirmesi: Toplum i\u00e7inde e\u015finden \u2018o bilmez\u2019, \u2018o anlamaz\u2019, \u2018o yapamaz\u2019 vb \u015feklinde k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcmseyici konu\u015fmas\u0131<\/p>\n – El, kol \u015fakalar\u0131<\/p>\n – \u015eefkat eksikli\u011fi: Uyurken, uyumadan \u00f6nce ve konu\u015fmalar\u0131nda \u015fefkatli yakla\u015f\u0131m bulamamas\u0131<\/p>\n – \u00c7al\u0131\u015fan kad\u0131nlar\u0131n evde kocas\u0131ndan ev i\u015flerinde yard\u0131m g\u00f6rememesi.<\/p>\n – \u00c7al\u0131\u015fan kad\u0131n\u0131n maa\u015f kart\u0131n\u0131n elinden al\u0131nmas\u0131 ve bir haftal\u0131k harcamas\u0131n\u0131 hesaplayarak har\u00e7l\u0131k verilmesi.<\/p>\n – Evin d\u00fczenine kar\u0131\u015f\u0131lmas\u0131: Onu oraya koyma, illa \u015furada duracak. Bu bardak neden burada. Buzdolab\u0131n\u0131n ve evin temizli\u011fini kontrol etmek vb<\/p>\n – Ev ile ilgili ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131 m\u00fcsriflik olarak de\u011ferlendirmesi, zaman\u0131nda almamas\u0131, kar\u015f\u0131lamaktan ka\u00e7\u0131nmas\u0131<\/p>\n – Ev ile ilgili ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131n bedelini kar\u0131s\u0131ndan \u2018fi\u015f, fatura,\u2019 ile belgelemesini talep etmesi<\/p>\n Yukar\u0131da ana hatlar\u0131 ile sayd\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z ve kad\u0131nlar\u0131n tahamm\u00fcl edemedi\u011fi y\u00f6nleri sergileyen erkek, ilk olarak kar\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6z\u00fcnde sayg\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 kaybediyor. Ard\u0131ndan kad\u0131nda evlili\u011fin \u2018KATLANILMASI\u2019 gereken MECBUR\u0130 bir kurum oldu\u011fu duygusu uyanmakta.<\/p>\n Bunun belirtilerini ise kad\u0131n\u0131n eskiye g\u00f6re daha az veya daha \u00e7ok konu\u015fmas\u0131nda, ev ile ilgili hizmetleri adeta robotla\u015fm\u0131\u015f \u015fekilde yapmas\u0131nda, pembe dizi olarak tabir etti\u011fimiz a\u015fk i\u00e7erikli film ve dizilere yo\u011fun ilgisinde, kar\u0131 koca ili\u015fkisini unuturcas\u0131na kendini \u00e7ocuklara adamas\u0131nda g\u00f6rebiliriz.<\/p>\n O a\u015famada \u00f6nlem al\u0131nmad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda zaman i\u00e7inde e\u015fler aras\u0131nda duygusal ba\u011flar gittik\u00e7e kopmakta ve kad\u0131n aile den \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p ev arkada\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131na d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fen davran\u0131\u015flar sergilemektedir.<\/p>\n \u0130\u00e7ten i\u00e7e evlenmeden \u00f6nceki baba evindeki hayat\u0131 ile evlendikten sonraki hayat\u0131n\u0131 k\u0131yaslamalar ya\u015fanmakta, sonu\u00e7ta baba evine daha \u00e7ok gitme arzusu ve bekar oldu\u011fu g\u00fcnlere \u00f6zlemin art\u0131\u015f\u0131 ile mutsuz bir hayat s\u00fcrd\u00fcr\u00fclmeye, \u00e7ocuklar varsa adeta s\u00fcr\u00fcklenmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131lmaktad\u0131r.<\/p>\n Erkeklerin e\u015flerinde tahamm\u00fcl edemedi\u011fi y\u00f6nler ise;<\/strong><\/p>\n – Kad\u0131nlar\u0131n \u0131srarc\u0131 olmalar\u0131: Arada bir talepleri kar\u015f\u0131lanmazsa bile s\u00fcrekli o talebi dillendirmeleri<\/p>\n – V\u0131d\u0131 v\u0131d\u0131 yapmalar\u0131: Az ama \u00f6z konu\u015famamalar\u0131<\/p>\n – \u00c7al\u0131\u015fmayan bayanlar\u0131n e\u015finin al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ve talebini bildi\u011fi halde hastal\u0131k, gece \u00e7ocuk bakmak vb hari\u00e7 kahvalt\u0131 haz\u0131rlamamas\u0131, kap\u0131dan u\u011furlamamas\u0131<\/p>\n – Erke\u011fi i\u015f saatleri i\u00e7inde zorunlu nedenler d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda s\u0131k s\u0131k arayarak \u2018nerdesin?\u2019 \u2018ne yap\u0131yorsun\u2019 \u2018yan\u0131nda kim var\u2019 sorular\u0131n\u0131 y\u00f6neltmesi<\/p>\n – \u0130kide bir \u2018beni seviyor musun\u2019 \u2018 ne kadar seviyorsun\u2019 sorgulamas\u0131<\/p>\n – Telefonunun s\u0131k s\u0131k kontrol edilmesi<\/p>\n – Tart\u0131\u015fmalar s\u0131ras\u0131 veya sonras\u0131nda aile b\u00fcy\u00fcklerini arayarak, a\u011flama e\u015fli\u011finde \u015fikayet<\/p>\n – Yatak odas\u0131n\u0131 cezaland\u0131rma arac\u0131 olarak g\u00f6rmesi<\/p>\n – Erke\u011fe \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck alan\u0131 tan\u0131mak istememesi<\/p>\n – Sosyal \u00e7evresine s\u0131k s\u0131k m\u00fcdahale etmek istemesi: \u015eununla g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f, bununla g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fme vb.<\/p>\n – Annesinden k\u0131skanmas\u0131, annesini \u015fikayet etmesi<\/p>\n – Ekonomik durum bozuldu\u011funda harcamalar\u0131nda k\u0131s\u0131tlamaya gitmek istememesi, ele\u015ftirmesi \u2018 senin y\u00fcz\u00fcnden dara d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fck\u2019 vb demesi.<\/p>\n – Ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131n e\u015flerine ald\u0131klar\u0131ndan s\u00f6z etmesi : \u2018Leyla\u2019ya kocas\u0131 yeni televizyon alm\u0131\u015f, bilezik alm\u0131\u015f vb\u2019<\/p>\n – Kap\u0131dan girer girmez \u00e7ocuklarla ilgilenmesini istemesi : \u2018Al \u015fu \u00e7ocuklar\u0131, b\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fcn beni yedi bitirdi\u2019 vb<\/p>\n – Eve geli\u015finde trafik vb nedenlerle ge\u00e7 kald\u0131\u011f\u0131nda surat asmas\u0131 ve sorgulamas\u0131.<\/p>\n – Tart\u0131\u015fmalarda erke\u011fin alesini k\u00f6t\u00fclemesi<\/p>\n – S\u00fcrekli ge\u00e7mi\u015fi g\u00fcndem yapmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmas\u0131<\/p>\n Erkek bu problemleri daha \u00e7ok i\u00e7inde ya\u015fayarak kendince \u00e7\u00f6zmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmaktad\u0131r. Yan\u0131lmaktad\u0131r. Bir s\u00fcre sonra kendini kullan\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, \u00fcst\u00fcnde a\u011f\u0131r y\u00fckler olan, bekarl\u0131k hayat\u0131n\u0131n sorumsuz g\u00fcnlerine \u00f6zlem duyan, ayaklar\u0131 her ak\u015fam adeta geri geri giderek, annesinin \u015fefkatini arayan duygular i\u00e7inde bulmaktad\u0131r.<\/p>\n Art\u0131k tart\u0131\u015fman\u0131n veya konu\u015fman\u0131n anlams\u0131z ve \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcme ula\u015fmayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden iyice kendini kapat\u0131r. Kimisi ise daha d\u0131\u015fa d\u00f6n\u00fck olarak ya\u015famaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r. Bazen i\u015f yo\u011funlu\u011fu bazende arkada\u015f\u0131n problemini \u00e7\u00f6zme vb gerek\u00e7elerle eve daha ge\u00e7 giderek asl\u0131nda ka\u00e7man\u0131n yollar\u0131 aranmaktad\u0131r.<\/p>\n Bu tahamm\u00fcls\u00fczl\u00fck problemlerinin kayna\u011f\u0131 tespit edilip, zaman\u0131nda \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fc taktirde olu\u015fabilecek sadakatsizlik sonucuda ortadan kalkar. Aldatma olmasa bile erkek bir s\u00fcre sonra \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmak zorunda oldu\u011funu, elaleme rezil olmamak ve \u00e7ocuklar i\u00e7in bu evlili\u011fe katlanmak zorunda oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnerek ya\u015fayan \u00f6l\u00fcden farks\u0131z hale d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr.<\/p>\n Yak\u0131n arkada\u015f veya akraba d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda kimseye dan\u0131\u015fmak istemiyorlar. Oysa, arkada\u015flar\u0131n\u0131n evlili\u011fi veya tecr\u00fcbesi ne olursa olsun kendi evlili\u011fine kes yap\u0131\u015ft\u0131r tarz\u0131nda uygulama hayaline girmemek gerekir. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc kurdu\u011fu ailenin kad\u0131n\u0131 kendine \u00f6zel ve tektir. Ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n e\u015fi ile ayn\u0131 duygu, beklenti, tepki, k\u00fclt\u00fcr i\u00e7inde olmas\u0131 m\u00fcmk\u00fcn de\u011fildir.<\/p>\n E\u015fini tan\u0131mak, anlamak, tepkilerinin kayna\u011f\u0131n\u0131 tespit etmek \u015fartt\u0131r. Belkide, e\u015fi kendisinde bulamad\u0131\u011f\u0131 beklentileri nedeniyle davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131nda bu \u015fekide rahats\u0131z olmaktad\u0131r. Problemi ba\u011f\u0131rarak, bast\u0131rmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmak ise hatalar\u0131n en b\u00fcy\u00fc\u011f\u00fcd\u00fcr.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Maalesef evlenmeyi bilmedi\u011fimiz i\u00e7in e\u015flerimizi evlendikten sonra tan\u0131yoruz. Bu nedenle evlilik i\u00e7inde kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131kl\u0131 tahamm\u00fcls\u00fczl\u00fcklerimiz \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fclmesi zor problemlerin olu\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131 kendili\u011finden getiriyor....<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4772,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,145],"tags":[2,674,23,210,182,163],"class_list":["post-4771","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-aile-danismanligi","category-psikoloji","tag-aile-danismani","tag-esler-birbirlerinde-nelere-tahammul-edemiyo","tag-evlilik-danismani","tag-online-psikolog","tag-online-terapi","tag-sehitkamil-psikolog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4771","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4771"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4771\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/wp-json\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4771"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4771"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ailedanismaniokanbal.com.tr\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4771"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}